9 Horrible and Unexpected Tattoo After Effects That Will Make Think Twice About Getting Your Buddy To Give You Ink.

Over 36% of Americans have at least one tattoo, whether it was a design that took 10 years to create or a random Japanese character chosen from the parlor’s wall after a night of binge drinking. While many who have ink may regret their decision, they can get the mark removed.

Tattoo Causes a Permanent Erection

The male arousal drug Viagra suggests that you call your doctor immediately if an erection lasts longer than four hours. An erection that lasts longer than four hours is only good if you’re in the bedroom and are named Sting.

Your tattoo artist suggests you consult a doctor after three months of having your new penis tattoo.

According to January 3, 2012’s edition of The Journal of Sexual Medicine (NSFW), the “first case of non-ischemic priapism following penile tattooing,” has occurred. The report details the observations made by doctors of an Iranian man, who after he had the brilliant idea to tattoo “good luck on your journeys,” in Persian with his girlfriend’s initials at the end on his penis, is now unable to be at anything less than half mast at all times. Forever.

How did this not seem like a bad idea to anyone? Doesn’t he know that it’s a bad luck to get the name of your significant other tattooed anywhere on your body, let alone your penis? That’s the one spot future girlfriends will definitely be looking at.

What’s he going to do once she dumps him for being a complete and utter idiot? Try to find another girlfriend with the initial “M,” I suppose.

Apparently, the side effects aren’t too disconcerting for the man, though, as he is no longer seeking corrective procedures. AKA, he thankfully (probably) doesn’t work around any children.

Nevertheless, the doctors and researchers who authored the article conclude that “considering this case, we discourage penile tattooing.” Thanks to those good doctors for that piece of sound advice.


Boy Band Singer Gets Mercury Poisoning from Tattoo

Tattoo ink is not regulated by any group – neither government nor private – and because of that, you can find all sorts of weird mucky muck in the ink – especially colored ink. You can find stuff like mercury, lead, and other allergens, which can lead to blood poisoning, which can potentially kill you.

Such a horrible thing occurred to Irish boybander Keith Duffy of Boyzone in 2008, postponing their highly-anticipated (???) reunion tour after being broken up for seven glorious years.

A few hours after receiving a tattoo, he began to fall ill. His arms and legs began to swell and then he collapsed before being rushed to a hospital. One of his fellow bandmates likened his appearance to the “Elephant man” – which can’t be a good thing when half of your talent as an artist is to look good (if you’re in a boy band).

But the real question about this story is why members of boy bands have the audacity to get tattoos. There’s no way you can give off the “bad boy” image when you’re singing “Wish I could tell by the look in your eyes/Don’t leave my heart out here on the line,” as the falsetto in a four-part harmony.